100 Top & Most Popular Groucho Marx Quotes

Groucho Marx Quotes

About Groucho Marx Quotes

Julius Henry “Groucho” Marx was an American comedian, actor, writer, stage, film, radio, singer, television star and vaudeville performer. He is generally considered to have been a master of quick wit and one of America’s greatest comedians. 
Born: 2 October 1890, New York, New York, United States
Died: 19 August 1977, Los Angeles, California, United States

100 Top Quotes by Groucho Marx Quotes in English

  1. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
  2. “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
  3. “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”
  4. “I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.”
  5. “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
  6. “Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
  7. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”
  8. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
  9. “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
  10. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”
  11. “I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
  12. “Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.”
  13. “I have had a perfectly wonderful time, but this wasn’t it.”
  14. “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”
  15. “Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?”
  16. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
  17. “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”
  18. “I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.”
  19. “I must confess, I was born at a very young age.”
  20. “I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
  21. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.”
  22. “I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
  23. “Women should be obscene and not heard.”
  24. “I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Believe me, rich is better.”
  25. “Either he’s dead or my watch has stopped.”
  26. “If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.”
  27. “The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.”
  28. “A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
  29. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
  30. “I have a photographic memory. I just haven’t developed it yet.”
  31. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
  32. “I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.”
  33. “Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.”
  34. “He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
  35. “I’m not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.”
  36. “If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.”
  37. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
  38. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
  39. “I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
  40. “I’ve got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
  1. “Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.”
  2. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
  3. “I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.”
  4. “If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.”
  5. “I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
  6. “I’ve had a great evening, but this wasn’t it.”
  7. “I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.”
  8. “A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
  9. “I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.”
  10. “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”
  11. “Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”
  12. “I’ve been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.”
  13. “I have nothing but respect for you — and not much of that.”
  14. “I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
  15. “I’m not feeling well. I need a doctor immediately. I’m afraid I’m going to die or something.”
  16. “I would never join a club that would have someone like me for a member.”

FAQs:

Who was Groucho Marx?

Groucho Marx was an American comedian, writer, and actor who was part of the famous Marx Brothers comedy team.

When was Groucho Marx born?

Groucho Marx was born on October 2, 1890.

What are some of Groucho Marx’s most famous quotes? Some of Groucho Marx’s most famous quotes include: “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member,” “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife,” and “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.”

What was Groucho Marx’s signature look?

Groucho Marx was known for his thick black eyebrows, mustache, and glasses.

What were some of Groucho Marx’s most popular films?

Some of Groucho Marx’s most popular films include Duck Soup, A Night at the Opera, and Animal Crackers.

What was Groucho Marx’s comedic style?

Groucho Marx was known for his quick wit, wordplay, and satirical humor. He often used puns, double entendres, and absurdism in his comedy.

Was Groucho Marx involved in any political activism?

Yes, Groucho Marx was known for his political activism and support of left-wing causes. He was a member of the American Communist Party in the 1930s and 1940s.

Did Groucho Marx have any other talents besides comedy?

Yes, Groucho Marx was also a talented writer and musician. He wrote several books, including his autobiography Groucho and Me, and was an accomplished guitar player.

What was Groucho Marx’s real name?

Groucho Marx’s real name was Julius Henry Marx.

When did Groucho Marx die?

Groucho Marx died on August 19, 1977, at the age of 86.